Beauty In Chaos
and from the chaos of her soul, there flowed beauty. - Louise Alexandra Erskine
This is me in the morning, glasses, not a pinch of make up, and still in PJS with morning coffee breath. I don’t allow many people to see me without makeup because honestly I am not 100% comfortable with my freshly washed natural face. I like to wear at least mascara, blush, and concealer. I don’t feel I have outer “natural beauty” that some others are born with. I’ve got hereditary bags under my eyes, blonde eyelashes (I feel it should be cute, but they make my eyes look lost), and fair skin that can look ghostly, especially in the mornings. I accept this is how God created me and realize that we all have flaws, although I really can’t find one on JLo. Seriously, does anyone know?!? What DOES make us beautiful on the outside, is that we are each uniquely made and there is no one else out there that looks the same. I don’t know about you, but I find that fascinating!
I wholeheartedly feel I look naturally beautiful when I look at this picture. Maybe its the lighting or angle of the iPhone camera or I’m getting good at taking selfies. What I find surprising is that I think I look peaceful and glowing. But why? I had a super restless night of sleep with a nightmare that left me waking up with knots in my stomach and I felt half awake. I went to bed the night before disturbed by the world being turned upside down by this out of control enemy, feeling the burden of helplessness for my friends, family, colleagues, and everyone else on the planet who is being affected, and seeing a social media post that hurt my feelings personally. Beneath the smile, I was feeling grateful for the positive impact I had on people from DJing the Virtual DJ Dance Party the night before, the sun shining, the cup of delicious Cost Plus World Market Italian Roast coffee I was drinking from my fav cool mug, my cozy apartment, my family & friends, the temporary slower lifestyle pace, and my faith keeping me strong. This reflection of gratitude gave me a sense of calm in the middle of the crisis that the world is facing and with how I was also feeling inside. Then that night I opened up a bottle of wine I had bought because I was attracted to the beautifully designed label, colors, and love what it says, “Beauty in Chaos.” I started to think back to that morning moment and the picture of myself…that is what I see, I see “beauty in chaos.”
My heart will continue to ache for those who lose the virus battle and my prayers will continue to be with their loved ones, our health care heroes, everyone else working the essential jobs to help provide us with those needs, and all of those who are suffering. I hate the pain the world is in and I want to just give it a bit warm Olaf hug. One of the ways to get though this is I choose to continue to be a light however I can, find the silver linings, see people’s best sides brought out, and delight in the unique experiences you never would of thought would happen. I know I am going to be more resilient and grow in all areas of my life during this time. There truly is beauty in the chaos that is happening right now and my hope is that it will bring value, strength, love, and resilience to this world. Most importantly, bring our heartbeats together as one.
